How Do I Know When My Parents Can No Longer Live Alone at Home?

Most adult children notice small changes long before they're sure something is wrong. A stack of unopened mail. A dent in the car. Mom repeating the same story. It's hard to know when "getting older" becomes "not safe alone."

I'm Jeanette Nelson, a REALTOR® with Jeanette Nelson Real Estate, Keller Williams Realty, serving Orange County, Huntington Beach, Costa Mesa, Fountain Valley, and surrounding areas, helping families sell a home through a life transition with a written plan. I'm not a doctor or care professional. I help families with the home side once they've talked with the right medical experts, and I've seen how much easier it is when families plan early.

Physical safety

• Falls, near-falls, or new bruises they can't explain
• Trouble with stairs, getting in and out of the shower, or standing from a chair
• Car dents, scrapes, or getting lost while driving

Daily living

• Spoiled food in the fridge, or very little food
• Weight loss or skipped meals
• Missed or doubled medications
• Same clothes for days, changes in hygiene

The home

• Piles of mail, unpaid bills, late notices
• Clutter building up, chores falling behind
• Repairs left undone, yard overgrown

Memory and mood

• Repeating questions, missing appointments
• Confusion about time or place
• Pulling back from friends and activities

One sign alone may not mean much. Several together, or a steady decline, is worth acting on.

1. Visit more often, at different times of day. You'll see a fuller picture.
2. Talk with their doctor. With your parent's permission, share what you're seeing.
3. Consider a professional assessment. A geriatric care manager or an occupational therapist can evaluate safety at home.
4. Make sure legal documents are in place. Power of attorney and health care directive. An elder law attorney can help.
5. Talk with your parents about options, gently and early. See how do I talk to my parents about selling their house.

• In-home help with cleaning, meals or personal care
• Home modifications: grab bars, ramps, first-floor bedroom, better lighting
• Medical alert devices and check-in services
• Adult day programs
• A family member moving closer

When the risks at home keep growing even with help, when costs of in-home care approach the cost of a community, or when isolation is affecting their health. Options include a smaller single-story home, a 55+ community, independent living, assisted living or memory care.

If a move is coming, I help families plan the order of things: the new place first, then belongings, then preparing and selling the home. See should my parents sell their house before or after moving to assisted living.

• Waiting for a fall or hospital stay to force the decision.
• Deciding without the parent. Keep them involved as much as possible.
• Not checking legal documents until they're urgently needed.
• Assuming they can't afford a move without looking at the home's value.

If you're starting to see changes and want to understand the home side of your family's options, call or text me at 714.366.8575. Jeanette Nelson is a Realtor® with Jeanette Nelson Real Estate, Keller Williams Realty, serving Orange County, Huntington Beach, Costa Mesa, Fountain Valley, and surrounding areas, helping families sell a home through a life transition with a written plan. Let's start with a conversation.